The Penis: A Standup Special

Let’s give a round of applause for the star of the show—the penis! It’s a performer and always ready for a standing ovation (well, depending on the audience). Here are some funny and interesting facts that’ll have you smiling from ear to ear, plus a few health tips to keep the show going strong.

1. The Incredible Hulk of Body Parts

Did you know the average erect penis can hold up to 10 times its weight when erect? That’s right – your penis is basically a Bruce Banner when it swells up with blood.

2. Lefties Have the Upper Hand

Research suggests that about 85% of men have a penis that leans slightly to the left when erect. If your penis curves right, you’re in the exclusive 15% club. Either way, your little guy has got a direction all his own. Tip: If you notice a drastic change in curvature, it’s worth chatting with a healthcare provider.

3. Size Myths

While many men make a fuss about size, the pleasure centre of the brain is activated whether you’re working with 10cm or 20cm. It’s more about your confidence and how you use it, not size. So, when it comes to pleasing your partner, you could say it’s all in your head. And there’s no link between foot or hand size and the size of your man-meat! Tip: Don’t waste your money on enlargement potions and pills – they don’t work. Learn to love and appreciate what God gave you!

4. Morning Glory: Nature’s Alarm Clock

Waking up to an erection isn’t just about last night’s dreams. It’s a sign of good penile health. The technical term is “nocturnal penile tumescence,” but we prefer to call it morning glory. No snooze button needed here! Tip: Regular erections are a good sign, but if you notice any changes like persistent pain or difficulty getting hard, it’s time to check in with your doctor.

5. Condoms: The Ultimate Costume Change

Condoms are like the versatile costume changes for your penis. They come in all colours, flavours, and even textures while protecting you from HIV and other STIs. Who knew being safe could be so stylish? Fun Fact: There are even glow-in-the-dark condoms. So, next time you’re getting down, you could literally light up the night while staying protected.

6. Pubes: The Penis’s Supporting Cast

Pubic hairs are like the backup dancers of the penis, but they’re more than just decorative fluff. It helps reduce friction during sex, trapping pheromones that are part of what makes you irresistible. Tip: Keep things tidy down there, but remember, you don’t have to go completely bare. Pubic hair actually helps protect your skin and can prevent irritation.

7. Shapeshifting: The Grow-ers vs. Show-ers Debate

Ever heard someone say they’re a “grow-er” or a “show-er”? Science backs it up. Some penises increase significantly in size when erect (the grow-ers), while others stay relatively the same whether they are soft or erect (the show-ers). Both types deserve a standing ovation!

8. Lube: The Unsung Hero

Lube is the underrated best friend of the penis. It’s like the grease that keeps the wheels turning smoothly. And, yes, it can make all the difference between a smooth ride and a bumpy one. Fun Fact: Using water-based lube not only makes sex more enjoyable but also helps prevent condom breakage. So, lube up and let the good times roll!

9. The 3-Part Harmony

The penis may seem like a simple instrument, but it’s made up of three major parts: The Root (where it attaches to your pubic area), the Body (composed of three cylinders of erectile tissue) and the Glans, also known as the “head” of the penis. Together, they create the perfect symphony for your sexual adventures.

10. It’s Raining Men: Sperm Edition

When you reach climax, your penis ejaculates semen, which includes up to 5 million sperm per session! That’s a lot of little swimmers! Sperm isn’t produced by the penis, however, but by the testicles. Ejaculating regularly may have several health benefits, including relieving stress, improving sleep and the immune system and reducing the risk of prostate cancer.

11. Double Trouble: The Phallus Twins

Yes, it’s rare, but some men are born with two penises—a condition known as diphallia. Although uncommon, it just goes to show that the penis is full of surprises. Who knew you could have double the fun?

12. Uncut vs. Cut: A Tale of Two Hoodies

Whether you’re rocking the foreskin (uncut / uncircumcised) or going without (cut / circumcised), both versions have their perks. Being uncircumcised means, you’ve got a natural built-in hoodie that’s sensitive and provides extra protection, while circumcised guys might find cleaning up a bit easier without the extra fold. Tip: Regardless of your style, keeping things clean is key. Regular washing and good hygiene keep infections at bay, so your penis can stay healthy and ready for action.

13. PrEP: Your Daily Dose of Peace of Mind

Taking PrEP is like giving your immune system a little bodyguard. It’s like the VIP pass that keeps HIV at the door. Fun Fact: PrEP is over 99% effective at preventing HIV infection when taken as prescribed. So, think of it as the ultimate wingman – always ready, always reliable, and no drama.

Sexual health doesn’t have to be a buzzkill. By staying informed, getting tested, and using protection, you can keep the fun rolling while keeping yourself and your partners safe. Now, go forth and enjoy the show – with a little help from PrEP, condoms, and regular check-ups, you’re ready for anything!

 

Article courtesy of Engage Men’s Health, which offers free PrEP, ARVs, HIV management and other friendly and confidential sexual health services in Joburg, NMB, and Buffalo City for gay, bi, and other men who have sex with men. For more info or to make an appointment visit www.engagemenshealth.org.za or call/WhatsApp 082 607 1686 now!