A Mental Health Cheat Sheet for Men Who Have Sex With Men

If you’re a man who has sex with men (MSM), you are statistically three times more likely to suffer from depression and suicidality than the general adult population, according to a study published by the American Journal of Men’s Health.

If you’re an MSM and you’ve been on the scene for more than five minutes you probably don’t need me to remind you how common substance abuse, internalised homophobia, trauma, inferiority complexes, body dysmorphia, loneliness, depression, anxiety and suicidality are in our community. But just in case you didn’t know, it is rife!

BUT WAIT… ALL IS NOT LOST!

Luckily, science also says there are practical things we can do to take care of our mental health, and I’m not talking about an excruciating leg day equivalent workout of the mind twice a week.

Here are some small easy steps that will make massive strides in helping you maintain a healthy state of mind:

1. Get help if you need it, you are NOT alone

Here are some ways to know if you need help, according to Dr Joe Kort, a certified Imago Relationship Therapist and a certified Sex Therapist:

• “If you are struggling and don’t feel you have anyone to talk to
• “If your issues are affecting your personal and professional life
• “If you are frustrated, sad, depressed, angry or anxious, and the feelings won’t subside
• “If you start drinking more or using drugs to numb your emotional pain
• “If your relationship is failing and you don’t know how to fix it
• “If you are becoming more and more aggressive and you don’t understand why”

If any of these pointers resonate with you, reach out to a mental health professional of your choice, or contact Engage Men’s Health:

• Rosebank (Joburg), 23 Glenhove Rd (corner Jameson Ave) – 067 597 2565
• Braamfontein (Joburg), 14 Reserve St – 077 601 8069
• East London, 72 Frere Road – 077 601 8071
• Gqeberha, 41 Bird Street – 077 601 8070

Appointments are available during working hours from 09:00 to 16:00, Monday to Friday.

Or you can call these 24-HOUR TOLL-FREE EMERGENCY HELPLINES

Suicide Crisis Helpline
0800 567 567

Department of Social Development Substance Abuse Helpline
0800 12 13 14
SMS 32312

Cipla Mental Health Helpline
0800 456 789
SMS 31393

2. Get physical – exercise really does help

Experts agree, walking, dancing, gardening, cycling or any kind of movement that gets the blood flowing can reduce stress and depression. You don’t have to run the Comrades in stilettos or anything dramatic. Even a gentle stroll in the park can work wonders.

3. Get your sleep game strong

The mental health boffs also agree that getting the right amount of sleep can be a formidable weapon in your arsenal against depression and ailing mental health. Aim for approximately 8 hours. Less than 6 hours isn’t great and more than 9 hours can also be bad for a healthy state of mind.

4. Get with the mental health menu

When we feel down, many of us want to reach for the “comfort food” but the reality is that when we eat sugary, processed foods our bodies and minds can become inflamed and this can make things even worse. Then there’s the guilt and regret that gets slapped on once you’ve eaten enough rubbish to feel ill. Keep it simple. A good source of protein, fresh fruit and veggies and plenty of water will help a lot more. However, if you do eat something that isn’t ideal, it doesn’t help to beat yourself up about it. Let it go and focus on making your next meal a better choice.

5. Connect with others (even if you don’t feel like it)

We are social creatures and yet we tend to isolate ourselves when we’re feeling down, and this can be very bad for your state of mind over an extended period of time. Join a society or a sport or arts group. Play padel, try Nia dance or Queer Pottery classes. Phone a friend for a chat or meet someone for coffee. You don’t have to lie and pretend to be a ray of sunshine but you don’t have to stay cloistered up all on your own on down days either. Volunteering and getting involved in community drives and causes has also been proven to have an amazing effect on improved mental health.

It can be tempting at these times to hook up with other guys as a distraction, but sometimes these exchanges can leave you feeling even more alone if they are nothing more than a physical exchange or a temporary escape from your feelings. Obviously, they come with their own risks as well.

You know yourself best. Do what you know will help you feel better for the next few days and not just for the next 20 minutes. It’s your call. It’s your life. Have a little mercy on your heart. What would a real connection look like for you?

There are actually so many things that you can do to help improve your mental health that I challenge you to do some digging and research of your own, otherwise this article is going to be WAY too long!

I’m no health expert, and Lawd knows I have my own mental health wrestling matches, but if I may, I wish you massive amounts of good mental health and all the joy and wellbeing you can handle.