Queer Online Dating in South Africa – Risks and Safety Tips

Online dating has become a common way to connect with potential romantic or sexual partners, especially for members of the LGBTIQ+ community.

Platforms like Grindr, Ads Africa, and even social media networks such as Facebook offer accessible spaces to meet new people.

However, while these apps are designed to be safe and inclusive, the reality is that online dating carries certain risks in South Africa, particularly for LGBTIQ+ individuals.

The Dating App Crisis: A Dangerous Trend

Over the past few years, criminals have increasingly targeted LGBTIQ+ individuals through dating apps. Here are some of the ways that these criminals operate to trap and prey on you:

•   They pretend to be an LGBTIQ+ person looking for a partner and create face profiles that can be very realistic. They can be charming and can fool you into believing that they are a queer person. They often agree to first chat over the phone or on a video call.
•   They will arrange to meet you, usually at a location that they provide you with (although in some cases they may agree to come to your home or meet at a hotel, or a bed and breakfast).
•   When you arrive at the location and go into the property, several other men will appear and then hold you captive.
•   They will threaten to kill your and/or your loved ones unless you give them access to your bank accounts or unless a family member or friend transfers money to them.
•   They may force you to give them access to your banking apps on your phone as well as your social media profiles or force you to give them your bank card pins.
• They may beat you, cut or stab you. They may take nude pictures or videos of you and threaten to share them with friends and family or put them on social media.
•   They may force you take microloans online and then transfer the money to themselves.
• They usually release the victims after several hours or even days when they get what they want, but there have been cases in which victims were killed.
• They may threaten to target you, your family and loves ones if you report what happened to the police. They may even claim to be working with the police.
• They may also continue to blackmail you with more demands for money after they release you.

Why Are So Many Cases Unreported?

While we know of dozens of reported attacks, the true number of victims is likely much higher. Many LGBTIQ+ individuals don’t report these crimes due to a variety of reasons:

•   Embarrassment or shame at having been deceived.
•   Fear of judgment for using dating apps or services.
•   Concern about being outed or caught being unfaithful.
•   Fear of discrimination or secondary victimisation from the police due to their sexual orientation.
•   Undocumented migrants or refugees may avoid the police out of fear of deportation.
•   Victims may believe that the police won’t act or that they are complicit with the criminals.
•   Fear of retaliation by the criminals if they report the crime.

This underreporting makes it difficult to track the full extent of the problem, which leaves many victims suffering in silence.

What To Do If You’re a Victim

If you find yourself in this terrifying situation, it’s important to take immediate steps to protect yourself and seek help:

• Go to one of the Thuthuzela Care Centres: These centres offer LGBTIQ+ inclusive medical treatment, mental health support, and assistance in opening a police case all in one location. 
• Seek medical attention: If you’re injured, go to a hospital and request a J88 form from the doctor, which can be used as evidence in a police report.
• Report the incident to the police: If you feel safe to do so, file a police report as soon as possible and bring any medical documentation you have. Get a case number for future reference.
• Notify your bank: Report any theft and cancel your cards to prevent further unauthorised access to your funds.
• Block your phone: If your phone was stolen, report it to your service provider and block your SIM card and phone.
• Report the theft to your insurance: If you have insurance, make sure to report any stolen property.
• Get trauma counselling: Seek mental health support to help you cope with the emotional and psychological effects of the attack. Here are a few organisations that you can contact: Life Counsel, Life Line, SADAG or Engage Men’s Health’s You In Mind support.
• Report the incident to the dating app: This can help prevent others from falling victim to the same scheme.
• Contact OUT LGBT Well-being: If you’re comfortable, report the incident to OUT so that they can monitor these cases and advocate for better protections from authorities.

Remember: You are not to blame. You are the victim in this situation, and it is not your fault.

Safety Tips for Online Dating

While no method can fully guarantee your safety, here are some tips that may help reduce your risk when meeting someone through a dating app:

• Use a “buddy” system: Before meeting someone, arrange for a friend to be your safety buddy. Share your live location with them and ask them to check in on you throughout the date. Have a secret safe word you can use to let them know if something is wrong.
• Meet in public places: When meeting someone for the first time, always meet in a public setting. Try to have a few public meetups before agreeing to a private encounter.
• Consider safe venues: If you plan to hook up, consider doing so at sex clubs or queer-friendly venues like steam baths, where there are more people around.
• Hide your banking apps: Avoid having banking apps visible on your phone. If possible, leave your bank cards at home and only take a card that accesses limited funds.
• Leave valuables behind: Only take what you need with you on the date to reduce the risk of theft.

Online dating can be a fun and exciting way to meet new people, but it’s important to stay cautious and protect yourself. Be mindful of your safety, and don’t hesitate to seek support if you become a victim of a scam or attack.

 

Article courtesy of Engage Men’s Health, which offers free friendly and confidential sexual health and mental health services in Joburg, NMB, and Buffalo City for gay, bi, and other men who have sex with men. For more info or to make an appointment visit www.engagemenshealth.org.za or call/WhatsApp 082 607 1686.