MAMBA GOSSIP

Becks flogs cell phones

It seems that one can never have too much. Not satisfied with his multimillion dollar contract with the LA Galaxy football club, David Beckham seems to have a never-ending need to keep the cash rolling in. The hunky soccer-celeb will be flogging the new next generation Motorola RAZR2 cell phone in adverts around the world. Thankfully, in this recently released image from the campaign, we can easily ignore the smell of crass commerce and instead focus on Beck’s rather yummy chest. He’s yet to actually play for his new US football team thanks to an ankle injury, although that hasn’t stopped him from attending a celebrity studded welcome party or being out on the town with Victoria almost every night of the week.

The Britney Spears train-wreck

Every week brings more disturbing news about the train-wreck that is Britney Spear’s life. From cheeky pop princess to trailer trash queen, Britney’s soap opera existence boggles the mind. First, in the midst of an attempted career comeback, her recent photo shoot with OK! Magazine turned into a disaster. She was described as completely “out of it”, took frequent bathroom breaks, thought the ceiling was falling in on her, wiped her greasy hands on a several thousand dollar dress for the shoot, and used another frock to clean up her dog’s poop. The magazine has said that it will not publish the photos as they could destroy her career. Later, an attempt to shoot a music video for a new song saw the singer embarrassingly stumble her way through a trashy stripper dance routine, leading to a teary outburst and the crew being sent home. This was followed by a scuffle between one of her bodyguards and the paparazzi, which led to him being charged with battery. And this week she managed to both finalise her divorce to ex Kevin Federline and sell her Beverly Hills house. Now a psychologist has told US Magazine that the 25 year old is exhibiting the classic symptoms of bipolar disorder. Another psychologist said that, “She strikes me as someone going through a delayed adolescence.” Crazy, drugged up or just a wild child; you decide. We’re taking bets here at Mamba Mansions on when the breakdown finally happens.

The Queen is not amused

Reports say that the Queen of England (and we don’t mean Elton John) is trying to have a new documentary about her banned. Her Royal Highness was the subject of a fly on the wall BBC television film, called A Year With The Queen, but recent events have raised concern that the documentary may not be entirely fair or accurate. Red flags were raised when the BBC screened a trailer which made it appear as if the queen walked out on a photo shoot in a huff. In fact, the footage was actually of her walking into the session with famed photographer Annie Leibovitz. While the BBC has apologised and promised an enquiry into the incident, royal officials are said to have lost faith in the filmmakers’ objectivity and want the whole project shelved. Don’t mess with the Queen!

Jake Shears is getting hitched

Sorry boys, he’s on his way to being officially ‘off the market’! Openly gay Scissor Sisters frontman Jake Shears is set to get hitched to his boyfriend Chris next year, according to various sources. The ceremony has been set for spring and will take place in New York. Numerous celebs, including Kylie, Elton John and Geri Halliwell have been asked to save the date. Jake has also requested that his fellow band mates compose a song for the special day. The boys have been together for eight years and recently moved into their Tribeca, Manhattan, apartment. Expect a technicolour over-the-top ceremony of note. Hmm, who would we kill to score an invite to this one?

Desperate househusbands?

Wysteria Lane may never be the same again. According to the producers of Desperate Housewives, viewers can expect a set of new neighbours in the coming season of the popular show. Nothing new there. The difference this time around is that the neighbours will be a gay male couple. “We’re going to have the first male desperate housewives. They will move into the old Applewhite house and one of the gay men will just have a fractious, hateful relationship with Teri Hatcher,” revealed series creator Marc Cherry, who is himself gay. The episodes have just started being written, so producers haven’t begun casting, but we can’t wait to see who’ll be playing poker with Susan and the girls.

Poor little Paris

While it’s unlikely Paris Hilton will be moving into a trailer park anytime soon, thanks to her successful celebrity career, her wild ways may end up costing her big-time. The former red-carpet queen turned prison inmate has learnt that her billionaire grandfather Conrad ‘Barron’ Hilton has taken her out of his will. The old coot was apparently so fed up by Paris’ trashy behaviour, including her arrest for driving with a suspended license, that he’s determined that she won’t see any her $59 million inheritance. Instead, its been reported that he will leave the money to charity. Unfortunately, it’s just been announced that her reality series, The Simple Life, in which she partnered with BFF Nicole Richie, has been cancelled after five seasons. Incidentally Nicole confirmed this week that she is indeed pregnant with the child of rocker Joel Madden.

Cher set to return

Sure she performed numerous farewell tours, but you didn’t really expect Cher to fade into obscurity did you? The 61 year old surgically enhanced singer and actress, in addition to be rumoured to be performing in Las Vegas next year, has announced that she will be releasing a new album soon. In an interview for the magazine for Chrome Hearts clothing she spoke about some of the new material. “The truth is the songs are great. I’m totally into this album. The songs are the hardest songs. I don’t know why, but I picked the hardest songs that I’ve ever had to do on an album. I just picked them because I love them and didn’t think about actually having to sing them and they are very very difficult,” she said. The diva was also featured in an accompanying photo shoot, but we suspect that the pictures have been so airbrushed that they qualify more as paintings than as photographs. How much collagen can one pair of lips take in a lifetime?

Will the real Kelly stand up?

Speaking of excessive Photoshopping, Kelly Osbourne has insisted that the new trim figure she sports in publicity images for her stint in Chicago is the real thing. The 22 year old singer will be performing the role of Mama Morton on the West End in September and the photos show Kelly looking slim and fabulous. Gossipmongers (who, us?) immediately speculated that the stunning images were the result of extreme-Photoshopping but Kelly has insisted that she has indeed lost weight, admitting to gossip blogger Perez Hilton that only her double chin had a touch-up or two.

Spotted

Madonna getting onto a flight bound for London in New York. Perhaps still smarting from comments accusing her of environmental hypocrisy for using private jets, the superstar took a bog-standard British airways flight – although we somehow doubt she was in cattle class. She even went through normal airport security, took off her shoes and